Stop your bitching; it's a comic strip movie.

I know my whole, "Hey Billy did you read the comic strip Watch Man before we're seeing the movie?" was a joke. But, and I'm sorry Neal, but what is a comic book than a series of interesting comic strips that don't come in the newspaper in daily, 3-panel format?
And that's def not meant to criticize anything at all; whenever I'm home I read the comics every morning, and have been since I was, well, I don't know, knee high to a pig's eye.
And here's where I'm going to walk a fine line between insulting and embracing comics. Let's get some facts about my opinions straight:

1. Previously stated, I love comic strips and while they may be "Low art" there is still a museum in Boca Raton that I have been to. My favorites include Get Fuzzy, Beetle Bailey, Baby Blues and Adam @ Home.
2. I don't read comic books and I don't read graphic novels. I began to read Y: The Last Man and intend to before everyone and their mother finds out it's coming to theatres. And I wanted to read Superman: Red Son but Billy stole it. Not really but it's a convenient excuse.
3. I would like to read SOME comic books/graphic novels even though I don't want to read many.
4. Iron Man was maybe my least favorite comic book movie; it wasn't bad at all.
5. I'm still trying to figure out why comic book movies are so damn popular. Maybe we're reverting back to our 1940s questioning the meaning of all the death and war, but instead of inventing superheros of our own we just jeep off of the ones that made literate young hooligan boys into the people that are blogging about why the war in the Middle East just plain sucks. Just like we jeep off of everything.

So I went into the Watchmen not knowing a damn thing about it, and the things that Neal told me, well I don't remember anything he tells me until it's applicable. "Lauren, the guy who made 300 is making The Watchmen." ".....oh." After the movie: "Lauren, the guy who made 300 made The Watchmen." "Yeah, I knew, duh." (not really.)
So what are people's major complaints on the movie?

1. The gore. Gore that I can recall: people getting the absolute crap beat out of them, bruises, blood, cuts, defeat, bones protruding from limbs, shot pregnant women, violence against women, sawed off arms, etc.
Here's why you shouldn't bitch about the gore: IT'S NOT REAL. On top of that, it's based off of a comic book, something that is so far removed from reality (enter thin line) that it's irrelevant.
Even more importantly, we see so much violence in other movies that it's not even worth it to bitch about it here just because it's unabrashed and "more graphic" which just means "exquisitly computer generated."


2. The sex. I don't know what everyone's issue was about the sex scenes, especially paired with the Hallelujiah chorus.
Let's get real: it's a comic book and the demographic is teenaged boys and young men. And I don't think they really want to see (in comic or film form) a guy getting all into it and a girl not.
And personally, I am plain out tired of seeing men take the lead in the bedroom in movies like they have been for the past, I don't know, sixty years, probably more? And whatever, I bet it put everyone into an awkward, three-minute long mix of humored, turned on, and embarassed.

(Unable to find a screenshot from the movie!)

You really can't complain about much else.
And I know everyone and their mother has been gushing about the opening sequence, but let me tell you something:
I have never been so moved by a movie in my entire life as I was in the opening of The Watchmen. Get this: I am a history major, I have read and learned and heard from my Dad and professors about almost all of these events. I have seen the real live footage of Kennedy being shot through the head, but I was never really phased by it. In that theatre, I almost cried when Kennedy was shot, and I never before felt so inconsequential not because I am so small, but just because everything before me was so big.

So next time you want to open your mouth to bitch about a comic book movie, just remember it's a comic book movie. And if it's directed by Zack Snyder, remember it was directed by Zack Snyder who can employ a team of graphic designers like no other. Enjoy it, becuase you wouldn't spend $9.50+ on a movie that's just like real life.

Inspired by:
Watchmen Reviews: 'Maybe It's Better to Grow Up'